Posted by: Pagan Muse | 24/07/2017

An Emancipated Witch

I apologise for not having written anything for some time, I’ve been coming to terms with a lesson that’s taken me all my 53 years to learn and it has stifled my inspiration somewhat.

The matter I’m musing on is Narcissists. I feel like I’m really beginning to understand them now, even though I’ve been dealing with them all my life. I’m amazed at how many there are around me, though I shouldn’t really be as our society creates them. Our Me,Me,Me society has created a dualistic situation where we are either givers or takers, there seems to be very little balance.

As a child, I was taught that I had to help everyone else and do what I was told regardless of my feelings or needs. To think of myself, I was told, was selfish and that was the worst thing anyone can be. I now know this to be bollocks. Elite bollocks designed to keep us in low vibrations thus eminently controllable. The elite are mostly narcissists. The worst thing anyone can be is a slave held in emotional servitude to another.

I’ve had several experiences in the last year that have been so educational, and emotionally draining, but I will leave these in the personal realm where they belong. One situation though is very public and I’ll use it to highlight what I mean. Facebook pages.  I will refer to facebook from here on as fb.

I have created and maintained several pages in the years I’ve been on fb. The same thing happens every time……there are a large handful of people who join the group purely for the chance to advertise their shop, blog, local event, etc. They have no intention of interacting with the group,  they see it only as free advertising.

What’s the harm in that, I hear you ask? Where is the harm in letting someone tell others about their event, blog or shop? The harm is that it only takes a couple constantly posting their things to completely hijack your page. As you post something on a fb page, it causes the rest of the posts to scroll down. So, anything I posted on my page was quickly obliterated from sight as the ads took prominence. The whole purpose of the fb page was immediately lost as the members could not see what I posted. It soon had me questioning why I bothered spending so much time creating and making the page if my posts were not seen by the members. It soon became clear that either the ads had to go or the fb page would. It was the ads that went and the pages returned to their original purposes.

I explained this to a shop owner recently who actually told me that they thought advertising local shops was the purpose of my fb page. The page in question is for organising a local Pagan moot which I summon and organise. That is all, it’s a simple page, so where they got that idea is a mystery to me. The same situation occurred with this page as with the others and soon the members were saying they would not bother reading the page as all they saw was adverts. So, I have banned all adverts now. You can’t ban some and allow others without getting grief, so I banned all. Many of those with things to advertise have responded well and happily. They know they are very welcome at our moot where they can talk about all the things they do and invite the members along.

But sadly, some have not and here we come to narcissists. I have been called all sorts of names from mean to bitch and beyond. This is the response of a narcissist – when they don’t get what they want they get nasty. The intention is for us to be so intimidated by them that we cave in and oblige them. I used to do this, I don’t anymore.

This doesn’t just happen on fb, oh no, it’s everywhere in my life. As people know I’m a healer, I get requests – no, demands – to come wherever they are and heal them. For free. I have been known to give free healings if a friend is in need, but I do not respond to demands. I don’t respond to emotional blackmail either – the ‘I’ll kill myself’ or ‘I’ll hurt someone’ ploys if I don’t do as they wish. These are all games in the narcissistic arsenal and I no longer play.

I’ve come to see that narcissists think so highly of themselves that they actually believe the rest of us exist to serve their needs. They literally see the rest of us as servants, not as equal human beings at all. They believe they are the holders of all knowledge and the rest of us are expected to sit quietly in worship as they tell us what they know. We are not permitted to speak and if we do we receive abuse.

There are as many narcissists in the Pagan community as in the society as a whole. One thing that does amaze and amuse me is how many followers these people acquire – I tend to call these people minions. I know that’s not very nice but that is exactly how they behave. It is nothing more or less than a personality cult.

For years, I mused at what I was doing wrong as one narcissist after another would get angry with me and start the rumours spreading and I watched those I thought to be friends turn against me. I now know that this is another of the narcissists games. It actually has a name given by psychiatrists – Projection. They are unwilling to see their own shortcomings and in an effort to be held accountable will project them onto someone else. Narcissists are never wrong you see.

The other game which has a name is Gaslighting. I quote from an article: “Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that can be described in a different variation of three words, ‘that didn’t happen’, ‘you imagined it’ and ‘are you crazy’. It is perhaps one of the most insidious manipulative tactics out there because it works to distort and erode your sense of reality; it eats away at your ability to trust yourself and inevitably disables you from feeling justified in calling out abuse and mistreatment.”

The article goes on to mention the other manipulative tactics: nonsensical conversations from Hell, blanket statements and generalisations, deliberately misrepresenting your thoughts and feelings to the point of absurdity, nitpicking and moving the goalposts, changing the subject to avoid accountability, covert and overt threats, name calling, smear campaigns and stalking, love bombing and devalutation, bait and feign innocence, boundry testing and hovering, aggressive jabs disguised as jokes, shaming, etc,

I’ve watched quite a few go through all the stages in the last year or so, watched one take it so far that it broke up a moot because the narcissist disagreed with an opinion of them stated.

 

I muse about why so many Pagans are prepared to follow these narcissists. What is within them to need to follow? I don’t understand it and I will no longer play along. If that makes me a bitch so be it.

I’ve worked so hard to raise my frequency to the Heart chakra to get to where I now live in the vibration of Love. I know others who have also done so alongside me. We now see narcissists coming and do not play the games which put us front of the queue for abuse. So be it. It only makes us stronger. Of course, the narcissists don’t see this and continue. They are so low in vibration that they do not see clearly.  And they never look at themselves objectively.

One of the courses I took for healing, the first one, required me to look at myself honestly. To regularly review what I do and think. This was an extremely helpful exercise, one I repeat  daily. If we cannot see ourselves honestly, how can we see others? It’s something everyone should do, but one that a narcissist would not be capable of.

Going back to the fb thing…..Over the years, I’ve asked those who advertised on my pages if they would advertise my shop, blog, page, healing practice in return and was told No, they haven’t the space to advertise for others. Narcissists do not help others. They see no reason to reciprocate anything. There is no balance.

So, I now stand up to narcissists and say No to their very startled faces. After 53 years of bullying from all sides from these people, I have said No More. And I damn well mean it. I am now an emancipated witch. Hoorah!!

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